3 Years in Korea: A Reflection

Hi y’all! Here is a video of me reflecting on my life in Korea—why I came, what I learned and why I’m leaving. I hope you find this interesting or even relatable!

I grew up a lot in SK. I almost don’t recognize who I was before. Everything from how I looked, dressed and talked feel different. My old blog posts just don’t feel like me. Part of this change is being a twenty-something growing up, part of it is living abroad for so long. I’m incredibly sad to leave Korea (as I write this, I’m sitting at my desk on my last day at school) but I’m excited for what comes next—and what I have yet to learn!

Transcript:

[ID: A video from someone’s perspective walking down the street in Daejeon, South Korea. It is dusk and the sky is pink-ish blue. The video transitions to someone riding the bus, looking out the window. It’s night and there are many flashing neon signs. It transitions to daytime, back to walking on the street. It is a sunny day. They stop by a Korean traditional estate and look at the hanok buildings. /end ID]

[soft lofi music]

When I came to Korea three years ago, I was 22 years old. I was a total baby and I had just graduated college...which had been a somewhat disappointing experience in hindsight. There were many things I hadn't done. Maybe I sensed that and that's why I was searching for some "great adventure".

I'm making this video to sort of reflect on my three years here--what I've learned, who I am now and also why I'm leaving. I know some parts will totally sound like the white girl study abroad stereotype and that's fine. I have no irony left in me, so I'm just gonna say what I gotta say and hope it makes sense.

I almost didn't come to South Korea in the Fall of 2018. I had another job offer--a better one, actually. It was more of like a career move, you know? And my parents wanted me to take it. They were mostly supportive of whatever I chose, but they still tried to convince me I didn't actually want to come to Korea. But I went. It was the hardest decision I've ever made.

People always ask me, "Why Korea?"

You know, there's the logistics of it. There's, you know, the fact it's a gig that pays well. You get paid rent. It's a strong contract.

And then there's the messier, more emotional side of it. I just wanted to. I wanted to live abroad, learn a new language, eat foods I never had growing up. I'd never been to Asia before.

I remember that first night in Seoul: the flashing neon street lights, the packed streets with buskers, the fashion. I remember standing on a balcony in Seoul that first night at 3 a. I was miserably jet-lagged and the girls I met up with wanted to party but I was just so overwhelmed and scared out of my mind. But also pumped, you know? I knew how little I knew yet. I could just feel the ocean of possibilities and opportunities at my fingertips.

My friend asked me when I was deciding between Korea and that consulting job: "Why not just visit Korea?" But I didn't want to just travel to Korea. I wanted to live there. And because I have, I've gotten to really dig into Korean culture and history. I came here with basically the most surface level understanding of Korean culture. Basically just BTS, like genuinely. I learned a lot about what Korea's been through--the war, colonization, its relationship with Japan, and also what Korea is today, you know. My co-teacher and I would sit and talk about our lives and cultures for hours.

It was a trial by fire but I managed classes of tiny, little students--very loud students. You know, teaching isn't my dream job--at least not teaching children---but I did realize how much I liked it. It's an extremely rewarding job. I have letters from students that make me cry with how heartfelt they are. I have more funny memories and stories than I can count. My co-teacher told me something once something that really stuck with me. She said that I have the ability to catch students from falling through the cracks, that I'm able to reach every single one. That meant more to me than I can put into words.

I was so incredibly lucky with my school, you know. How can I forget my gym teacher who's like an uncle to me, who makes coffee for us every morning? My co-teacher who I practice Spanish with? My janitor who will belt out "GOOD MORNING" in English to me every time he sees me? Or the lunch lady who always gives me an extra goguma? And there's the nurse, who stops by to leave me a mask every so often. And of course I can't forget my students, who will follow me into the grocery store screaming "TEACHER TEACHER."

I also got to travel to six other countries before COVID. Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Japan and of course Korea. You know, I came here never having visited Asia before and I'm leaving with a much better understanding of East and Southeast Asia.

Luckily I made some friends with people who knew a lot about Korea from the get-go. Many of them spoke Korean, which made simple encounters like ordering food much easier because let me tell you the language barrier was SO ROUGH at first--and it still is even after three years here. But I fell out with a lot of those friends and I think that's something people don't talk about with expat life is that it's always got this expiration date. Well, usually. I know some people who are lifers--but just as life in Korea is very, very fast...friendships burn fast.

You always know you're going to leave in a year or two or three and--let's, okay, think about it this way: Let's use a transportation metaphor. You're not on parallel tracks...you're on, like, a spaghetti highway. You are just two ships in the night. You meet people from all over the world and you become friends out of necessity or convenience or genuine compatibility but it's hard to know which is which at the time. I've had my fair share of conflict with people due to differing values, expectations and standards. And the type of people who are willing to move abroad tend to be very independent or headstrong, so you get a lot of disagreements. I used to think that there was something wrong with me that I kept fighting with people or losing friends. I wondered if I was a bad person. And then I realized it was happening to people around me too. And, you know, it took me a while to find my people...but I did.

And they are some of the most incredible people I have ever met. I mean they are--I don't know, my friends are just the best! They are so kind and supportive and funny and--and I could go on forever but yeah, I really found my people here and I think they taught me so much about what it means to stand up for yourself and how to be true to yourself and all these cheesy things but they're true! I--just, I'm so grateful to my friends for being the most kind and beautiful people I've ever met, truly. I can't imagine my life without them now...so thank you, guys.

So, you know, why leave Korea like if I obviously like it so much If I've had such a good experience, why leave? And let me honest: it's hard. It's really, really hard. Making that decision is...I wouldn't say it's the hardest decision I've had to make because, again, I think that was the first decision I made to come here. But it was hard.

For me, I could feel myself stagnating. I felt that at the end of my second year. I actually knew I was going to leave, or I thought I was going to leave. But then the pandemic hit and, you know, I just felt so much safer waiting it out in a country I knew, with a job I already had. I'm really grateful for that third year but I think now it's actually time. In my opinion it's better to leave Korea when you know you'll still miss it than when you're embittered. I know too many people that wait way too long to leave.

I think it's easy for that seed of cynicism to grow. You know, the thing about Korea is that you will always be a foreigner. Even if you speak Korean, even if it feels like home to you, you know, even if you've been here 10 plus years, you will always be a foreigner and that can really grate on your soul after a while. There is still definitely white privilege in Korea but living here I think has given me a better understanding of minority experiences. Some of the treatment that I've gotten here helps me understand other types of xenophobia, especially back home. So that's something that's challenging. But I do want to say on the whole, it has been an incredible experience and-and nearly everybody has treated me with kindness or just like a normal person, which is great! So don't mark this as me complaining...just trying to explore this topic within myself. And I think it's also really important to talk about the negatives in addition to the positives.

I know that moving your entire life abroad is a privilege that many do not have and I feel extremely grateful that I was able to do this. I'm grateful that my family did come around and is fully in support of me now. What feels great to say is I'm leaving Korea debt-free, with some savings in my pocket. I used these three years to become a writer and to make lots of art. I figured out what I want to go to grad school for and actually even where! I learned to self-soothe and stand up for myself. These three years were an exploration in who I am and what I want, and I feel so privileged to have had that time.

I feel just so grateful to Korea and the people I've met here. You know, I met so many people I loved, some I didn't. I got my heart broken...more than once (lol) and uh yeah, I just met so many people that taught me so much about myself and the world. I made friends who I know will be in my life forever...and that's really hard for me to say, because I kind of struggle to believe that people will stay in my life. I tend to believe everything is very temporary. But yeah, I can feel confident that these people are going to be in my life forever.

I'm nervous about what comes next. I think that's natural, you know. I'm going to another New Place. I'm going to Spain to teach English and that's nerve-wracking all on its own. It's a very different--very different place than South Korea. But I'm ready for somewhere new, and I'm-I'm ready to grow in new directions that I can't imagine yet, just like I did when I stepped off that plane in Incheon. I know my time in Korea isn't done forever. I'll be back, whether that's to visit or to work here again. You know, I'm leaving the future wide open. So this isn't goodbye...just goodbye for now.

I have to thank everyone that I met here. I can't put into words how much I loved this experience. So I think to sum up, I just feel grateful, I feel proud of myself, and I feel nervously excited for what's to come next.

Thank you for listening and I hope you have a great day. That's it!

[end transcript]